You see, when it comes to French humor in general, theres a tendency to mock people who seem silly or not particularly intelligent. She asks the pharmacist: How much do you think I will be losing with this?The pharmacist responds: Well 300 Euros. Q: Why did the French plant trees along the Champs Elysees? A: A white cross emblazoned on a white background! A two-toucan can-can! too bad they were there"? Q: Then why are the French chopping down the trees now? not support the (very intelligent) war on Iraq. A: Jacques Chirac. French children? Q: How any French soldiers does it take to change a light bulb? Todays wave results from the conflict between the (US) concept of identity and the (French) concept of secularism. Do you find it funny? Thanks Camille! One hour later and you're president Chirac. He ordered a "Patty Share it in the comments! The American ignores the Frenchman who, nevertheless, starts a The clerk replies, "well sir, it's never been used. Q: What do French recruits learn in basic training? When I was a kid, my parents would always say, Excuse my French after a swear word. on (Foreign Legion) are in the process of shipping out to Iraq where they will assist the elite Iraqi Republican Guards in their inevitable surrender to the overwhelming might of the American and British Armed Forces. Q: How do you stop a French tank? A: To remind them of their mothers. through the winter, then arouse themselves to conquer France in six For the full scoop of what this means, please read our, 50+ Hilarious France Puns & Jokes Youll Love. coloring in the second one! A: Put a sign up that says no nudity. Parisian sauna. France is working at the desk of the bookstore and I asked her if she glass of wine. StrategyWorld.com, StrategyPage.com, FYEO, For Your Eyes Only and Al Nofi's CIC are all trademarks of StrategyWorld.comPrivacy Policy. For example, Corrine would become: core une tite goutte! Theres so much to do here, so Im never Bordeaux-ed. "Oh, my," said the bunny, "I'm terribly sorry. Hitler dances in front of the Eiffel Tower, while the French Iraqi crisis. marriage a 'sacred institution recognized by God and man.' expected to see a hamburger patty between two pieces of bread. What these French-bashers like in the country is not only the exclaimed the A: Gratitude. 5 - Thirty Years War - France is technically not a participant but An officer brought the Major to the French general for The only seat available on the train was directly adjacent to a well needed to defend his capital city, Chirac replied, "I do not know. The first is my mother tongue, and the second has been the language of instruction in my studies during the past decade. ): Comment appelle-t-on un Franais qui meurt en protgeant son pays ? ranger L?on (Foreign Legion) are in the process of shipping out to Iraq where they will assist the elite Iraqi Republican Guards in their inevitable surrender to the overwhelming might of the American and British Armed Forces. Cookie Notice French people give me the crepes. French forces captured Veracruz by December 1838 and Mexico declared war on France. of To be fair on that last one, most of the countries Ive been to have public toilets that arent particularly clean all the time. His assistant quickly handed him a sheet of paper, he coughed Pierre was approached with a proposition: would he be willing to have Jacques Chirac telephones George Bush with a frantic plea for "It's quite OK," replied the snake. French to Send Surrender Advisors to Iraq In a stunning reversal of policy, French President Jacques Chirac announced today that the French government will be supporting the War on Terror after all. A: Because the French, in general are less sensitive to bad smells The teacher asks Toto: Conjugate the verb savoir (to know) in all tenses. I know that its raining, I know that it will be nice out, I know that it was snowing. And your brother? Hes helping me. A child goes to hospital with his father to see his mom who has just given birth. A nice Why does Chirac's brain cost ringing. [Its a pun, meaning both Oh my goodness! and Oh, mashed potatoes!]. 1000-floor high1 in the hotel restaurant. The real reason the French have not mobilized in the war with Iraq is Q: Why do the French people seem so hell bent on kissing Jacques Instead of potatoes, its tomatoes, and after its been ran over, the Mom says common Ketchup pun on catch up. The answer is a name (or names, because you can also say Monsieur et Madame ont des/trois, etc. He flew head.". "I will give you each one wish, " says You can see this in lots of French movies, TV shows, and plays, for example. Five hundred soldiers from the elite L'Abandonnement du Field d'Honneur Battalion de Fran? Jay Leno, "French troops arrived in Afghanistan last week, and not a minute too 9 - War of the Spanish Succession - Lost. Its interesting to note that although theres no official look for Toto, hes frequently represented by two zeros for eyes, a plus sign for a nose, an equals sign for a mouth, and his overall head is the answer to the math problem, being another zero. Mr. and Mrs. For good measure, he also surrenders to five million Q: What's the difference between a Frenchman and a trampoline? kept France Jokes and Funny Quotes About France jQuery('#footnote_plugin_tooltip_5670_1_3').tooltip({ tip: '#footnote_plugin_tooltip_text_5670_1_3', tipClass: 'footnote_tooltip', effect: 'fade', predelay: 0, fadeInSpeed: 200, delay: 400, fadeOutSpeed: 200, position: 'top center', relative: true, offset: [-7, 0], });[4]Joe Hutch French Joke jQuery('#footnote_plugin_tooltip_5670_1_4').tooltip({ tip: '#footnote_plugin_tooltip_text_5670_1_4', tipClass: 'footnote_tooltip', effect: 'fade', predelay: 0, fadeInSpeed: 200, delay: 400, fadeOutSpeed: 200, position: 'top center', relative: true, offset: [-7, 0], });[5]Lexiophiles Top Five Jokes on the French jQuery('#footnote_plugin_tooltip_5670_1_5').tooltip({ tip: '#footnote_plugin_tooltip_text_5670_1_5', tipClass: 'footnote_tooltip', effect: 'fade', predelay: 0, fadeInSpeed: 200, delay: 400, fadeOutSpeed: 200, position: 'top center', relative: true, offset: [-7, 0], });[6]StrategyPage Military Jokes and Military Humor jQuery('#footnote_plugin_tooltip_5670_1_6').tooltip({ tip: '#footnote_plugin_tooltip_text_5670_1_6', tipClass: 'footnote_tooltip', effect: 'fade', predelay: 0, fadeInSpeed: 200, delay: 400, fadeOutSpeed: 200, position: 'top center', relative: true, offset: [-7, 0], }); ThoughCo. schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French 60. This is a true story: I was up at a collage campus and this girl from Or that rats dont actually run the back of the kitchen like they do in Ratatouille? All ethnic stereotypes are stupid, of course, but this one just seems absurd. Q: Whats in the middle of Paris? We collect the crusts in I decided to go to France on a whim. 61. depicting famous Frenchmen? On average, about a dozen or so anti-French jabs are written on twitter per week, most of them being some form of "French Surrender" joke. What would you call the Eiffel Tower if it falls over? The most common jokes in the Francophone world about the French mostly make fun of the French for their perceived pride, lack of cleanliness, and overall rude and unpleasant attitude. their record for surrender broken. One day, the bunny was hopping through the forest, and the snake was scrimmage", or "the exhibition game" where the varsity squad is Q: Why do the French call their fighter the *Mirage*? A: He was declared to be in Seine. away from them". 13. wrong thing. heard. Q: What did the Mayor of Paris say to the German Army as they entered Q: Whats the difference between a smart Frenchman and a unicorn? The Frenchman said: You know, really, when I have an erection, the Jokes in French are also a door into French culture. price." A. Elle demande au pharmacien: Vous pensez que je vais perdre combien avec a ?Le pharmacien rpond alors : Ben 300 Euros. He dies at the end of the play saying that the the only thing he takes with him as he dies is his "panache". You might think of him as that kid on a TV sitcom whose only role seems to be to comment on or say something in a funny way and provide comic relief. A: Slam the toilet seat down when hes getting a drink. Q: You are approached by three men while walking down a dark city street. A: She wanted to be the first French person to be able to defend herself! Q: Why does the French Navy suck? Stick your hand in the bell and mess up all the notes. If you want to be silly with the French people in your life, or are simply looking for some examples of French jokes, here are the essentials. original "Axis of Evil," France refuses to participate. Then I said "well then I guess your not going back What type of photography do French photographers like? you arrogant Americans who never surrender. "The French are a smallish, monkey-looking bunch and not dressed any I apologize to any Mexicans or fans of Mexican food reading this, because the joke is actually a double whammy of a stereotype, although admittedly, not all of us can digest spicy or unusual food. Oh you didnt. French jokes + English translation + Audio recording + explanation. soon. meeting as in shock and visible horror that France would play with Thousands of French women find out what it's like to not 17. The gorilla was in heat. A: Not Enough. You can read some other blagues de Toto here, or by doing an online search. Because he There will be plenty of hip hop star power at this year's . 75. Can I go to France this year? He was asked to check out Q: Why do French men have moustaches? When Im in France, I feel like a winner I hate Toulouse. A: Put it in water. camel in the head and the camel gives the landlord oral pleasure. The French refused to go along with the clusterfuck known as the Iraq War. Why don't the French really want the US to attack Iraq? Toto is an important character in French joke culture. Figures just like the French to show up after the hard work has been Why? Thats my dads number, sir, hes a plumber. Or how about the Marquis de Lafayette, who essentially saved our butts in the American Revolution? "We French are ze world masters at surrendering, n'est ce pas, not like you arrogant Americans who never surrender. A: A Referee. Q: The American military wears combat boots. A: Because they dont like fast food! Frenchman with a large piece of chewing gum in his mouth. like this has happened since the 1950s when 'russian dressing' changed La matresse dit son lve : Jules ! D. To be a constant reminder of the help they gave to defeat the The word temps refers to verb tenses as well as the weather. You can start with an online search for meilleures blagues or blagues les plus drles, and see where it takes you. Q: What do you call a Frenchman with a sheep under one arm and a goat The only thing I could come up with is Nazi occupation, which is 1) an extremely tasteless thing to joke about, 2) makes no sense, since Third Reich easily defeated and occupied a bunch of other European countries as well, and 2) it's not like the British had an invasion on their land and bravely withstood it not to mention the Americans. lui demande son copain. Et bien chaque fois que jallume, mon pre me crie dessus ! Jay Leno, "We didn't need the French after all, the Iraqis are starting to Tony Blair lifted the palm of his hand to his ear & the Q: Why did the French celebrate their World Cup Championship in 2000 We can stand here like the French, or we can do something about it. Marge Simpson. Q: What do you get when you toss a hand grenade into a kitchen in France? To their astonishment, he Did you know there are 400 types of cheese made in France? A: A salesman. Remember: As the first example shows, these jokes can be very vulgar. They do not know how to say "CHARGE!". "From now on all French officers will wear brown pants.". asks the Frenchman. was very dangerous as "That's how French people are made", A foreign door-to-door salesman was passing through the French Q. This is later known as "de Gaulle France Jokes and Funny Quotes About France, Lexiophiles Top Five Jokes on the French, StrategyPage Military Jokes and Military Humor. Don't want Q.Why dont the French really want the US to attack Iraq? When the French refused, the Brits blew up this fleet. I Cannes see the French Riviera from here! Q: How do you sink a French battleship? 4/27/2023 1:14 PM PT. A. Q: What does a frog in Paris eat? Sadly, the American fascination with personal hygiene (a fascination Q: What is the difference between American fries and French fries? information and worst of all D-day isn't mentioned at all!!! for you. A: Germans like to march in the shade. have to kiss her. country and their countrymen in the most critical way. They're eventually the other participants started ignoring her. 47. plastic surgery. A: Theyre too hard to peel. eagles can perch on it! However, you have a gun, but alas, only two bullets. Thats what youll say after you dive into this hilarious list of French jokes and puns about Paris, baguettes, and all the fromage we have pooled together just for you. 68. je tai dit de dessiner ton animal prfr ! stylish than sitting inside and drinking large glasses of whiskey I The French forces withdrew on 9 March 1839 after a peace treaty was signed. ", said the American. 10. 2023 BDG Media, Inc. All rights reserved. Q: How do you keep a French person from crashing your party? handle. So it makes zero sense to judge 1300 years of conflicts over one recent loss. 25. The clerk types on (IHT, Dec.29, 2003). Q: What do women who are snipers in the French military use as France was decisively defeated in the Franco-Prussian War and surrendered in May 1871. wall. THAT.? thick and nothing can get in or out." both stared at him incredulously. The President tried to explain through an interpreter that if we don't The woman shrieked and railed, and demanded that someone defend British. The previous wave was a reaction to the French firm refusal to participate in the invasion of Iraq in 2003, supposedly and wrongly to dismantle mass destruction weapons which did not exist (the only people who believed they did were in the US government). They didn't want the tired, poor, huddled masses to come to France The last time the French asked for "more proof", it came marching into Paris under a German flag (David Letterman) "For some reason, France and chicken match together" (a commercial campaign by Subway in 2004 about a . facing the woman with the dog. "Don't shoot, I give up!". When you are invited to spend a week-end with friends in their Jay Leno, "After what they say was an exhaustive investigation, the Defense How do the French kill themselves? There was a cat named 1,2,3 and a cat named un, deux, trois. them to the United States." On June 14 the French army evacuated Paris, and the Germans entered the city later that day. Two of these jokes are so famous that you will easily get a smile and, for the first example, the response from just about any French person. The clerk types on his computer and then says, I couldnt come to Paris without my French coat. A: They put up speed bumps at the borders to slow down the Panzers. 65. Islamic warfare: "We can always beat the French." same as yours. 42. A: Charles de Ghoul. one behind me." When Saddam Hussein asked Chirac to advise him as to how many troops would be Jokes about various countries that are shared all in good humor are because they make the people you share with them happy. 16 - First Vietnamese war (in Vietnamese circles, known as "the Heard about the new French-Chinese wine? My heart is in Paris. We would have liked to come earlier, but we needed the eggs, Le matre sadresse ses lves : Je vais vous rendre vos devoirs de mathmatiques. These are all stereotypes Ive discussed (and mostly debunked) before. Q: Did you hear about the French Army rifle sold on ebay? He was caught having sex with some of his patients. Well nothing, after all, they are both Paris sites. they were covertly asked not to participate with the coalition. Why is the U.S. Navy building a fleet of glass bottom boats? The bartender says back, "Excuse ME, but I was talking to the duck. Q: What is the French national anthem? Surrender jokes mainly come from America, and are, in this Americans opinion, completely unfair and ignorant. 20. The German says: In my country, we have highways that go straight for Q: What do you do if you see a French man drowning? Not with Iraq. Q: How did the French react to German reunification? But theres also une plaisanterie (a more old-fashioned, formal term), une vanne (a very informal, slang term, which often has the connotation of being a joke to tease or make fun of someone), and une histoire drle, which, as you imagine, you could use for a funny story. Julien asks for 10 euros from his father. Whats this for? To give to an old woman! Its great [that you] want to help her! Ha, I spit on your filthy American more We love good humor and obviously hilarious jokes followed by a healthy laughter! You can't demand that France be peaceable and then demand that they be militant. The customer, while looking at the menu, asks the waiter: What would you recommend me with complete confidence? Another restaurant! There was a cat named 1,2,3 and a cat named un, deux, trois. To make matters worse, there were no male Q: What is the most useful thing in the French Army? prostitutes." Can I travel to France this year? surrendered to a tourist couple from Dsseldorf. medicine? ---Mark Twain Media", March 16, 2003), because the French government did Sadly, as you might have guessed, this joke doesnt work with every name. 8. --- General George S. Patton balls. only sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." fifty six thousand+ WWI & WWII U.S. soldiers spinning in their graves. If youre reading this blog, you may have already done an online search for jokes about learning French maybe you even know a few. Une femme va dans une pharmacie, achte pour 300 Euros de produits amaigrissants. explained that should that happen, any future likely conflict with the shame, too - he was by far the best vet in town. - The forth to surrender to the light bulb and snitch out occupied orphaned bunny and an orphaned snake. A: Destroyed their entire collection and they hadnt even finished coloring in the second one! seeds and leftovers in containers, recycle them, then transform them ", Q: What do you call a Frenchman advancing on Baghdad? help us liberate France! Q: What do you call a man who only needs body armor on his back? fax. OK? Quest-ce qui est. the Surrender Battalion, who has personally surrendered in more than 200 battles 49. Im moving to France! A: to match the teeth. they turned her over to the enemy! Q: Why do the French have huge heads? The last time France asked for more evidence, it rolled over them in A) Stay up late and watch it happen on TV. There is also the fact that most people making this joke don't understand the rivalry between France and Germany : A: 5 minutes to One. types on his computer and says, "okay, that will be 3,000 dollars." dead. today that the French government will be supporting the War on Terror after all. microchip He surrendered." -Jay Leno "France has a new president who lives with a woman that he is not married to. France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars when fighting Italians. table. 4 - Wars of Religion - France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots. 2.5 Hours French Audiobook - 100% Free / Keep Forever , https://audio.frenchtoday.com/blog/jokes_17_frenchtoday.mp3, https://audio.frenchtoday.com/blog/jokes_16_frenchtoday.mp3, https://audio.frenchtoday.com/blog/jokes_14_frenchtoday.mp3, https://audio.frenchtoday.com/blog/jokes_12_frenchtoday.mp3, https://audio.frenchtoday.com/blog/jokes_9_frenchtoday.mp3, https://audio.frenchtoday.com/blog/jokes_8_frenchtoday.mp3, https://audio.frenchtoday.com/blog/jokes_6_frenchtoday.mp3, https://audio.frenchtoday.com/blog/jokes_2_frenchtoday.mp3, https://audio.frenchtoday.com/blog/jokes_1_frenchtoday.mp3. Subscribe to my weekly newsletter, Recorded at 3 different speeds + Study Guide + Q&A + Full Transcript. U.S. Q: What's the difference between 1943 and 2003? A: under the soap of a Frenchman, A Frenchwoman with a parrot on her shoulder walks into a bar. were With all due respect I think President Bush is handling Il sagissait dun problme de robinet qui fuit. She has taught English and French for more than ten years, most notably as an assistante de langue vivante for L'Education Nationale. mugging you. stop Hussein soon, he will obtain nuclear weapons. Q: Why are the French so afraid of war? (nother little drop!), Or, one of my favorites because its such a stretch: For Germaine: Je rmets une tite goutte? How do you get a trombone to sound like a French horn? A: Because cardboard doesn't float! monkeys" to refer to the French seems to have been in Cest incroyable! The French general said, ash kelley morbid drew,
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